Moistness makes me uncomfortable

They say French is the language of love. This Google translation of a review of my band Coastal's recent album on a Belgian web site proves it:

"Here well a long time that one had not heard an album so delicious slowcore any more. A slowcore of a moistness such as one is divided between the persistent desire to play about naked in snow by pushing great cries of love to the clouds and the desire for being blottir, well to the heat, in its covers by hoping the angels to pass. Whatever your choice, you will not escape the pure caress inflicted by "Halfway To You". With the base of our recent sudden rise of temperature, a simple American trio without artifice none."

I am sure that if I spoke French it would be more poetic.